my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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