I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
