I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
