she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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