i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize