either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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