6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
