I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
