is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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