When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
