Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
