you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize