my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
