Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
