it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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