yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
