I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
