guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she pinky promised me she was 18
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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