Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
