But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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