i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Houston, we have a blender
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
