4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I heard we made out
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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