i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
