Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
