Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
