i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
