I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
