My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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