Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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