Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
