I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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