I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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