she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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