Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
