If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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