me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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