Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
