nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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