Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sext me about skeletons
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
