Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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