Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
