my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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