just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
