Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
