I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
