my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
