i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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