cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
