dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
