i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
