he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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