so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
