Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
