Barsexuality is the new black.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
