He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We are two peas in an std pod
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
