i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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