I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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