so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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