Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
