Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
