Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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