Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
high people should be assigned attendants
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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