When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
