Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
