haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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