he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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