It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
