shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
